I am going to begin with an apology – well it could be 2 and by the time I get to the end it could be 2n-1 (lots). So first sincere apologies to everyone who made wonderful comments about my vegetable growing efforts and was left hanging in the ether because I have been in internet limbo land for the past 5 days. To anyone who lives in rural Britain this will not be an unfamiliar scenario. Super-fast broadband – hrmph! So already apology number 2 for a cynical grump.
I promised myself that I would not let this blog become a techno rant! So I will breathe deeply and sip my green tea, think calming thoughts and try not to growl.
After the last fiasco when we were abandoned in the mist by connected communities and no apology was forthcoming for not bothering to tell anyone that the engineers would be carrying out maintenance on the system and that we would be cut-off for 3 days I voted with my cheque book. I fear that the damage was to my piggy bank not connected communities as I had to pay for a satellite disk plus peripherals (why are plastic widgets so expensive?) and an engineer with the biggest array of screw drivers I have ever seen. Unfortunately the techno wizard was only available by the hour and had delicate hands so I had to dig the trench for the new cable and put in the concrete base slab! Am I getting tetchy – do I need more tea?
So eventually I pulled the plug on connected communities and lo and behold I had a satellite link – not exactly NASA (Turin actually) nor super-fast just a working connection or rather the PC in Himself’s study did. So now all I had to do was plug-in the cable from the new big box with blue flashing lights (satellite modem) to the little box with flashing green lights (wireless router which enables my PC to talk to all the gizzmos and widgets in the study). So NASA do we have lift-off? Not a four star cats chance in Hades!
Pause for another apology for ingrained cynicism and intemperance.
So when all else fails switch everything off and reboot; have a cup of tea and try again. It was at this point that Himself informed me that our high-tech eco-friendly boiler was being temperamental again so I looked for the instruction book and wondered whether its simple trouble shooting guide was another victim of lost in translation. While I was taking the intellectual puzzle solving application of scientific reasoning and logic route he did the obvious switched it off and on again and probably gave it a kick in the manifold. This had the desired effect and I thought about running away to sea.
So back to the big box, little box and assorted cables. Eventually I had to give in and phone the techno whizz kids – after hours of checking DHCP, pinging and mac cloning even they resorted to “try switching it off in this sequence and then“…. At this point I lost the will to live and had a restorative wee dram.
The next day I tried the techno kids again and eventually they resorted to the standard solution “I think we have a compatibility issue and you need to buy a new little box”. So once again the Industry won and I had to part with more ££ to buy a new gizzmo when there was nothing wrong with the old one apart from built-in obsolescence. It is here that I will just sound world-weary and not start a rant about the way we are repeatedly ripped-off by both computer hardware and software suppliers because one gizzmo won’t talk to another one.
Of course the new gizzmo worked first time and I am connect again. A final apology for feeling smug because the boys from the Admiralty are playing war games this month (sorry NATO exercise Sharp Spear 89) and for once they probably can’t jam my broadband! So before they do I’m going to read the backlog of posts from my favourite bloggers, have another cup of tea and a celebratory piece of cake.